March 27, 2025
The bias people with ADHD are living with and what the education system does not want you to know.
Mom Is Very Involved: The bias of people with ADHD leads to discrimination.
Nothing about you without you. You may have heard this quote before. It is an essential approach for all professionals when working with anyone, people with ADHD are no exception.
For those not familiar, biases, are false or distorted beliefs and attitudes. Every person has biases. No one is exempt. There are simple ways to minimize the harm that results from bias such as inclusion in meetings, respectful curiosity, speaking out against assumptions, and documentation oversight. In other words, an ounce of humility goes a long way.
Does the education system and the professionals working within the system know about the risk of bias?
Yes, they do. In 2013, “Supporting Bias-Free Progressive Discipline in Schools” was published by The Ministry of Education and the Ontario Human Rights Commission.
This document states;
A bias-free approach helps build and foster a positive, safe, accepting, and respectful school culture and climate and helps students and their families, school staff, and other members of the school community:
• respect individuals’ dignity and diversity;
• ensure that every person receives fair and equitable treatment based on individual strengths and needs;
• consider the root causes of student behaviour;
• improve strategies that focus on prevention and early intervention to resolve behavioural issues;
• enhance the school’s approach to student discipline;
• support student achievement and prepare students for their role as engaged, productive, and responsible citizens.
So how is this relevant to my daughter (and all people with ADHD)?
I need to take you back to September 2020.
COVID, quadmesters, and shutdowns were happening. Like many of you, my husband and I struggled to support our children’s learning from home. Our oldest was heading into grade 11 and the twins into grade 9. As they headed back to school, I considered them to be young and still developing. I also knew that in some ways, they were even younger than many of their peers.
Do you know that people with ADHD develop at a slower pace than people without ADHD? Dr. Russel Barkley, a specialist in this area states that ADHD youth are approximately 30% younger than their non-ADHD peers. Don’t worry, we catch up in our twenties.
This difference is because ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder. We can estimate that some of our ADHD 14-year-olds, heading into high school, are developmentally closer to age 10 than 14. Think about that! For some, this developmental difference is massive. Consider the difficulty of a youth that is developmentally closer to age 10 trying to fit into the complex social world of those aged 14 to 18. Think about their risk and vulnerability.
One of the first statements written into our daughter’s student file, by a guidance counsellor, creates a picture of her and us that we were never able to escape. It was written before anyone at the school had taught her. Before anyone had a chance to meet us, let alone get to know us. To this day, I have never met nor spoken to the person who wrote it. I do not know what information was used to construct this opinion, I do know it is biased and did not take her neurodevelopmental disorder into consideration.
Parents will back her version of the story. Has difficulty with authority. Has a history of mean girl actions, as well as physical altercations.
If they had included us in the conversation, this is what I would have said……
Parents will back her version of the story. This is mostly true, we usually will. How this is worded distorts the meaning. As I learned more about neurodivergence and invisible disabilities, I came to realize that it is not always possible to distinguish between impairments, neurodevelopment delays, and typical teenage behaviour. You see, teenagers are supposed to challenge adults, to individuate, to resist, and to rebel. When we could not distinguish between the characteristics of the disability and typical behaviour, we sided with her. I can live with knowing she got away with some things. I could not have lived with knowing I discriminated against her, forced her to mask, or blamed and punished her for what she did not yet have the skills to manage.
Has difficulty with authority. This is false. She has difficulty with authoritarian approaches. That is different.
Has a history of mean-girl actions. She did sometimes struggle with female conflict. This started in grade 7 and continued on and off throughout high school. I have not yet met any girl who has not been caught up in this at some point. The mean girl’s actions did not start or stop with her. Like most of us, this dynamic fades with time and maturation. I am not excusing her role, this is a sad reality for most teenage girls. I am going to ask you to pay attention to the behaviours of the high school professionals, it appears that they had more of a role in mean girl actions than my daughter ever did.
A history of physical altercations. Yes, she was involved in two or three physical altercations in elementary school. All with boys. I think it happened twice with one of the boys. Again, I do not think this is a new story. She is friends with both of these boys, it never had a lasting impact on their relationship.
She did get into two physical altercations in high school. The context was very different from grade school. As you will learn, these fights created two more opportunities for the school to push its biased, discriminatory, and false narrative.
You need to know that when conflict or opportunity found her, she had a difficult time not engaging. ADHD is a disability that is commonly characterized by impulsivity and emotional dysregulation.
Throughout my daughter’s school career, she was more often the victim of bullying and harassment than the perpetrator of it. Her reactivity was an easy target for authoritative teachers and other youth who struggled in similar ways.
If an unbiased, informed, strengths-based assessment approach had been in practice instead of just merely written in policy, perhaps her experience would have been different.
Imagine the positive impact a statement like this may have had
This student has involved and supportive parents. Independence and autonomy are important. A thoughtful, compassionate, approach is essential to establishing trusting rapport. She has had some difficulty navigating peer relationships in the upper grades as the social context has become more complex. She would benefit from increased support both in and out of the classroom. Knowledge of current ADHD best practices is both essential and required for any involved professional. She has achieved all of the required educational milestones but without the proper support, she could be at risk both academically and socially.
Dare to dream,
Lynn