by Lynn Galeazza
Mom Is Very Involved: One mom’s pursuit to prevent
the ongoing harm to ADHD students.
Forgiveness is an interesting concept for an ADHD parent dealing with schools.
Being a parent of a child with ADHD isn’t only a struggle with the condition, but also dealing with schools. Here’s my story.
For the four years my children were in high school, I sought validation from many of the school/board administrators and teachers. Initially, I trusted them. I naively believed they would respond enthusiastically to an involved parent like myself. My family was aware of ADHD and had access to resources. But, most of all, we wanted to work as a team with the school. Once I realized this was not happening, I shared current research and knowledge with them. I also expected them to take responsibility for their many, many errors. There was no acknowledgement, and they continued to make mistakes
How schools deal with parents of ADHD students
Looking back, the slow tumble downward in the education system started in elementary school. And we hit the bottom early in grade nine. Part of the reason it took so long to see my reality was because of the maze of policies and processes. Honestly, it was more of a distraction so many of us parents think we are working toward resolution.
The truth is: many of the processes are merely twists and turns that seem designed to lead us to nowhere. I truly believe that the school board administrators know this. I feel that the boards and government know that most of us will eventually give up from sheer exhaustion, frustration, financial strain, and our need for self-preservation.
Over those many years, my family and I grew angry. And are angry still. I met with the principals, vice principals, teachers, resource specialists, superintendents, and eventually the board commissioner of human rights. We spent hours and hours trying to build rapport, do research, and learn policy, laws, best practices and processes. I will be forever stunned by their ignorance and inability to take responsibility for even a single thing.
While not every hour was wasted, many were. Not every school professional was abusive, but many were. And many just sat back and watched. Their apathy was as much at the root of the problem as the hurled insults and manipulated outcomes from others.
The toll on me is difficult. Every August, I felt school coming physically. I had such a weight on my shoulders, tension in my neck and tightness across my chest.
‘Situational depression’ is what I called the beast that showed up every academic year until graduation. Only then, on that warm June day, I finally started to feel the school’s grip loosening.
To forgive is not always to forget
Now, strangely, I feel lighter in having to accept what happened. I wouldn’t call it forgiveness. But, I can say I no longer need an apology from anyone. In fact, I need nothing from the school board and those professionals I so desperately chased for those years. I have never felt so strong and free.
It is not lost on me that I identified with the stages associated with dying and grief. Perhaps I experienced an existential death that will forever alter my worldview.
If you choose to follow me, you will realize this is not a story about one person, one family, one school, one teacher or one school board. While my blog posts will focus on my family and my experiences trying to navigate the Ontario special education system — make no mistake — this experience is not unique to my family.
Our provincial education systems are failing students. The predominant voices are those of our provincial governments, the teacher’s unions, and the school boards. My blog, “Mom is Very Involved,” is my hope in trying to change that. I want to carve out a space and turn up the volume, so those who have the most to lose can also be heard.
I hope I have earned your attention.
Warm regards,
Lynn
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