Mom Is Very Involved: Just How It Is
March 18, 2026
Collective accountability happens when we are brave enough to acknowledge our errors and
committed enough to fix them.
Mom Is Very Involved: Just How It Is
Our schools cannot claim to provide inclusive education if they deny the existence of invisible
disabilities and the essential accommodations required for individuals with these disabilities to
succeed.
Our education system is fundamentally misaligned.
Grade 11 began with the same vice principal and a new principal.
I can’t deny that I was feeling cynical at that moment. I no longer believed that collaboration was possible. This belief was neither 100 % correct nor 100% wrong. A few teachers were very invested, and like us, they deserved better.
During the first semester of grade 11, we heard back from the Ontario College of Teachers. 18 months had elapsed since we filed our complaint, and the opportunity to take action that could have led to positive change had passed. Their follow-up was so late and their process so riddled with errors that it bordered on ridiculous.
It made no sense to appeal the decision. What was the point of having the same people review the same information for another year and a half?
The College confused the roles of the involved teachers, failed to interview anyone at the school who could verify our claims, and sought no clarifying information. They stated that I failed to prove my complaint and used COVID as a reasonable rationale for an educator’s violation of human rights.
They are supposed to protect the public.
They are not protecting the public.
The VP continued to behave as he always did. He was calm, lacking in compassion, and confident that he never did anything wrong and had nothing more to learn. On most days, I could expect multiple telephone calls from either the VP or the principal; the first one usually came before I had even crossed the threshold of my workplace. Each of these gentleman had their own unique style.
The VP usually called me because someone had told him something. The individuals involved were usually the same people. Many teachers, likely influenced by their own teenage experiences, remembered the most effective ways to hurt a teenage girl and rarely hesitated to do so.
The new principal adopted a more authoritarian approach and seemed to expect everyone, including me, to fall in line. He would approach my daughter to ask why I did not answer his calls. He asked me where I had been some days. He told me over and over again that my daughter just needed to be kind and that I was making the teachers uncomfortable. While an overused term these days, this is a textbook example of gaslighting.
He frequently talked about how the school system was outdated and no longer met students’ needs. Although he aimed to find common ground by sharing this perspective with me, it only emphasized our differences. He expressed his view of the system’s failures with resignation, stating, “That’s just how it is,” while I rejected that notion.
He was not interested in progress. He was interested in compliance, and under his leadership, the environment became even more toxic
I could write a novel about the microaggressions and blatant abuses that occurred during four years of high school. I have already shared many examples, and I am confident you understand the point.
I will highlight a few incidents to help you understand how learning from home became a reality.
The first incident involves a Child and Youth Worker (CYW). By the end of October, our daughter was spending more time at home due to the increasingly negative effects of the school environment. The principal recommended that a CYW be assigned to be with her throughout the day. The CYW was meant to be nearby but not overly involved in her activities. The school’s goal was for the CYW to help increase her classroom time, while we hoped that they would serve as a deterrent and a witness to any concerning treatment she might experience.
On November 1, 2022, within days of the CYW’s involvement, problems began, and I emailed the principal to express my concerns.
That same day, my husband sent the following email to the principal. I know you will have received a version of events from the CYW today. My daughter would like to add the following:
- She was referred to as very untrustworthy by the CYW.
- The CYW suggested, contrary to her original opinion, that our daughter has absolutely no potential.
- Two girls told our daughter they saw the CYW take a photo of her. She has kept the text message.
- Lastly, the CYW made reference to other EAs having attempted and quit working with her because she is too difficult. The CYW wouldn’t provide names because she wasn’t allowed to.
It is obvious that any relationship that may have existed or had the potential to develop is destroyed.
I hate to send an email in haste, but there has been a trend set; the first to submit the information is the most truthful.
For your information, review and discussion at a later time.
A few days later, the principal informed us that he had investigated the concern and that nothing had been substantiated.
A week or two after this unsubstantiated incident, another incident occurred. The CYW was recorded verbally abusing our daughter.
The audio recording made it impossible for the principal to deny that the incident occurred. We are unaware of any investigation being conducted. However, we know that the CYW remained at the school but was no longer working with our daughter. Many of her colleagues approached our daughter, making statements that the CYW was a good person who didn’t mean what she said and had simply made a mistake. The principal expressed sympathy for the CYW, suggesting he viewed her as the victim in this situation.
Another incident occurred on November 19, 2022, while my husband and I were out with friends. I was engaged in a conversation when one of them turned to me and said she had been with a couple of her friends the night before; both are teachers, and one works at the same high school our children attend. She shared that she had heard “all about my daughter”.
This is a clear violation of confidentiality, and I reported it to the school board. I am unaware of any actions or investigations.
During this time, I started to question whether these violations were part of a series of incidents rather than isolated events. This line of inquiry prompted me to speak with both the superintendent and the principal in December 2022. In that meeting, I discovered that the board had hired a human rights specialist. The superintendent encouraged me to write a detailed report outlining all of our concerns and to submit it to the human rights commissioner for review.
On January 6, 2023, we submitted a more than 70-page document and a formal complaint to the school board’s Human Rights, Equity & Accessibility Commissioner.
On January 23, 2023, another incident occurred. Our daughter had left the classroom with permission. The principal was unhappy to find her in the wrong bathroom. Only wrong because that is not where he wanted her to be. Not wrong because she was doing anything wrong. He and approximately six other educators positioned themselves outside the bathroom. Surprisingly, this did not help the situation. Nor did his comment about how a forty-year-old man should not have to babysit a sixteen-year-old. The teacher who had given our daughter permission to leave the
classroom came to the scene and spoke to the principal. Our daughter returned to class with the teacher’s reassurance that she was not suspended.
Coincidentally, that same day, I picked up the next freedom-of-information report from the school board.
Upon arriving home from picking up the FOI, the principal called me. He told me his version of events and said he was considering suspending her for the next day. He did not care for my response and told me, “If it is so harmful for her to be at this school, why do I continue to send her there?” He then stated, “If something was hurting my daughter, I would not continue to send her, I would do whatever it took”. Our conversation continued longer than necessary and ended with him declaring that she would be suspended.
This is a reprisal.
I then informed him that we would not be sending her back to school and that learning would take place at home.
On January 24, 2023, we received formal written notice of our daughter’s suspension. That same day, we initiated the appeal, and on January 26th, the suspension was rescinded.
They also hired a teacher to support her learning from home.
It’s time for all parties to recognize that they are part of the problem, so we can focus on the important work of fixing it.
We need to acknowledge that more funding is essential, as well as more skills, knowledge, human decency, and compassion.
We must increase accountability and stop rationalizing abuse or discrimination. Professionals who cannot own their mistakes and believe they have nothing more to learn should not be granted access to people or power. School boards should not operate like fortresses.
It’s crucial for us to listen to all voices, including those of students, parents, caregivers, and educators who are struggling and seeking more support in the classroom. We need to understand that most of these individuals recognize how unmet needs affect not only their child’s learning but also the overall learning environment. The solutions are complex and cannot be found solely within the confines of the home or the classroom.
Your ADHD advocate,
Lynn